I'll keep this short. After all, this article is all about brevity. 

I've been binging lately. On television. Specifically, I've been watching New Girl. I've never watched New Girl, ever, which is strange considering my love for sitcoms and Zooey Deschanel (but this is a separate discussion for another day; New Girl is fantastic). 

But if there's anything that hours in front of the boob tube has taught me, it's that I appreciate a short show intro. It wasn't until Netflix entered my life and I rewatched every season of The Office (I have a lot of free time) did I begin to understand the importance of succinct theme songs. If you've ever nearly wet yourself at 3am when The Office's theme comes on ten times louder than the show's normal volume, you'll know exactly what I mean. 

Let me boldly put this into the universe: no show intro should last longer than 30 seconds. Anything more wastes precious time that could be otherwise dedicated to making the actual episode longer. And in the age of television binge-watching, people often watch multiple episodes back-to-back. Thus, the reintroduction to the series is highly unnecessary every 20 minutes. 

I can't decide on just one short intro to gush over, so let me present my top three. In order.

1. Modern Family

Modern Family's theme literally gets my adrenaline pumping, and it cuts off the cold intro of the show perfectly. One of these days I will write more about Modern Family. It's on my (very long) list. 

2. Two and a Half Men 

Sorry. It used to be a good show.

3. New Girl

It's fresh in my mind. Plus, how cute is Zooey Deschanel? 

Short intros. Don't bore me with a song and dance, let's get to the point. And in the spirit of great short intros, I give you one that's way too long: